How Do You Know If You Should, Or Could Do Something?

Hey guys,

Lately I have been thinking about the little girl who I used to visit in the hospital. I decided to text her mom. She’s with hospice currently, which means she is off her meds and at home with nurses. Her mother said to me that she wasn’t feeling well today. I can’t even imagine a child of mine being ill.

Today my mom spoke to our social worker contact who I met the little girl through. It might not be too much longer that we have with her.

When I was texting last week with her mother I had mentioned I would like to see her to try to be there for her-help in some way.

I told the mother I don’t want her to feel obligated in any way I just want to help if I can.

Its incredible, I have known this little girl almost one whole year and a few times it wasn’t sounding like she would make it as long as she has.

My prayers were absolutely answered in that I constantly prayed for her to have more time with us, more time to be a little girl, more time to be with her family and she has but I don’t know if I should push to see her at least one last time.

I felt so connected with this special little girl and its so terribly sad. I guess I have to follow my heart and see if I can come over for a short visit one day soon. I just wish I knew what I would want to say but I guess I can’t plan that. I have never had to plan what to really say to a kid its always been instinct with me. I want to be a shoulder to cry on I want to remember this precious girl. She would flat out say when things made her happy, she wouldn’t just seem happy she would say it which is very special for a kid to be able to express herself in words as well as actions.

My mom had said something to me that has me wondering if its wrong to visit the little girl. My mom said that at this point the visit would be for me. While I understand what she means it makes me wonder if its selfish to push my visiting. I mean yes I am partly doing this for myself but an enormous part is to be there  for her and her family! I just really want her to not suffer and I still pray for that.

I am so very grateful for all that she has gotten to have: she’s gotten to get to know her brother and new baby brothers, Her hair has grown in, She got to get off the meds that made her feel yucky, she got to go home in her own bed. I am grateful for all those prayers that came true!!!!!!

~I don’t know if I can stop myself from wanting to visit this little girl, I guess I have to think about it some more.


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